Slog PM: Britney Says She’s Pregnant, Looks Like Culp Got Phished, I’ve Never Been So Moved by a Cow

by Jas Keimig

Luma is very pretty.

Luma is very pretty. Courtesy of IFC

Please go see Cow: Maybe it’s because my ancestors were cow herders (my particular Keimig branch owned a cattle ranch in Kansas), but Andrea Arnold’s Cow moved me profoundly. In her singular observational style, Arnold filmed the days of a dairy cow called Luma on a farm in the United Kingdom. It is technically a documentary, but it’s done in a rather unconventional style. There is no narration, nor are the farmers who end up in frame of any interest—the director’s sole focus is immersing herself in the perspective of this sweet, gentle cow as she gets milked, frolics in grass, and licks herself. Arnold told Vulture her goal was to show “the aliveness of a nonhuman animal,” which is how I imagine she ended up with scenes of Luma having sex to Kali Uchis’s “Tyrants.” It’s incredible. Cow is playing at Grand Illusion Cinema this week until Thursday, April 14. A perfect way to herald spring, in my opinion:

Good news for psilocybin-assisted therapy: A new study found that “people undergoing psilocybin-assisted therapy experienced noticeable changes in brain patterns associated with depression, including when compared to a control group,” reports Gizmodo. Researchers found that psilocybin improved the symptoms of depression for at least until the study ended and “appear to reaffirm” that the substance can “provide an alternative to conventional depression treatments.” If only Washington had a cool-ass psilocybin therapy program like Oregon’s…..

Food on the ferry! Food on the ferry! Starting on April 13, food and drink service on five Washington State Ferries is BACK, baby. Well, sorta—you can get grub on five vessels on four different routes as part of a “phased reopening.” How I long for pre-pandemic days of eating kinda stale tater tots and slurping a beer in the galley while watching the sound slide by out my window on a nice summer day. Truly one of the best human experiences.

Does someone need to go through Loren Culp’s email for him? Today, the failed gubernatorial candidate and current candidate for Washington’s 4th Congressional District tweeted a screenshot of an email he received claiming that his Facebook page would be “unpublished because it violates Pages terms.” Sounds…phishy. “Just before my primary election in about 3 months from now, Facebook decides I should not be able to reach my 85,000+ followers or anyone for that matter,” twote Culp, quick to capitalize on playing the victim. “How convenient. Free and fair elections right?” KXLY fell for it, but as [un]Divided podcast host Brandi Kruse pointed out in the thread, the email appears to be a phishing scam. A+ work, team.

Congrats, Britney Spears! Today, the pop icon announced that she and her fiancé, Sam Isghari, are expecting a child together. Hooray! During Britney’s protracted fight to remove her oppressive conservatorship, she expressed her desire for another child but said her conservators would not allow her to remove her IUD. In an Instagram post, Britney said she suffered from “perinatal depression” with her first two kids, but this time she “will be doing yoga 🧘‍♀️ every day !!!”

If you think you’re having a bad day, it’s nowhere near as bad as this lady’s: A driver struck and killed two cyclists in Salt Lake City, claiming she lost control of the vehicle when she “began to uncontrollably defecate on herself while driving, so she swerved,” according to a police report. The woman claimed she had irritable bowel syndrome, but she also failed all field sobriety tests and was arrested by the police.

I would love to live in a future with floating wind turbines: Seattle-based developer Trident Winds “submitted an unsolicited lease request Monday to the Bureau of Ocean and Energy Management to build a floating offshore wind farm — the state’s first — about 43 miles off the coast of the Olympic Peninsula,” reports the Seattle Times. The so-called Olympic Wind project would generate “2,000 megawatts of clean energy to 800,000 homes” and could be completed in 2030 if all goes to plan.

Nightmare: On Friday, Lizelle Herrera was arrested in Texas on a murder charge for an alleged “self-induced abortion,” reports the New York Times. Today, a Texas district attorney said he would dismiss the referral, as she “did not commit a criminal act under the laws of the state of Texas.” Her arrest came months after the Lone Start state passed one of the most restrictive and cruel anti-choice laws in the country, prohibiting abortion after six weeks and granting enforcement power to civilians. However, the Times said the details of the reasons behind Herrera’s arrest were “unclear” as of Sunday.

No wheels at Green Lake Park: Seattle’s Parks Department rolled out (wink) a “long-term temporary ban” on biking, roller-skating, and skateboarding on the inner loop at Green Lake to give more space for people on foot, reports KING 5. Currently, the department is in the process of designing an outer loop exclusively for wheeled modes of transportation.

When was the last time you went to Kmart? That was likely your last time stepping foot in the retail chain. As it stands, there are only three Kmarts left in the continental United States (had no idea we exported Kmart to other countries) after a steady decline in sales and traffic following the rise of Target, Walmart, and Amazon. This AP News article notes how Eminem and Beetlejuice referenced the store to play up its importance, but I only remember the nasty floor tiles and terrible halogen lighting. Good riddance.

Watch out Florida gays: If you consider yourself someone part of the awkwardly-named “men who have sex with men” community AND you live in Florida, you might want make sure you are vaccinated against meningococcal disease. Currently, the state is experiencing an outbreak of the disease and the CDC is urging gay and bisexual men who either live in Florida or plan to travel to Florida to get vaxxed up.

Don’t cross the picket line: Etsy sellers are on strike this week, calling on the company to improve conditions and compensation.

Al Pacino’s phone case validates my view that Shrek is pürę çíñêmà: Yes, one of the greatest American actors of all time has a SHREK PHONE CASE. I have absolutely no clue why, but does he really need a reason? It’s a fantastic, influential film! Put it into the Criterion Collection goddammit!

For your listening pleasure: Syd’s “Control” off her new album Broken Hearts Club.

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